Saturday was mom’s 85th birthday.  Not only is it a milestone, but who knows how many birthdays she’ll have left.  I wanted to do something different, something totally bizarre to make a lasting impression.  After all, at her age you can really only give her memories and laughs.  My brother took her out for chinese food the day before her birthday and she said it was ‘nice’…. I wasn’t going for plain old nice and easy, I wanted the WOW factor.

My original idea was to hire an acappella band, or Barbershop Quartet that played the oldies.  I figured the elders would love the old style music and could even dance a little.  Not an available band to be found.  Everyone was booked through the summer.  Crap.

Still going for the WOW factor, I thought long and hard and decided on a stripper.  What???  Yep, I was going to find a stripper that was age appropriate, respectful and not offensive to the elderly.  I knew I couldn’t have anyone in their 20’s or 30’s as all the elders have grandson’s in that age bracket and it would be distracting as they compared one to the other.  So I needed an ‘old-guy’… After days of calls, research and choices, I finally landed on an available 44-year-old (who tells everyone he’s 38).  We agreed he wouldn’t strip down to a G-String, just briefs, if the crowd allowed.  He wouldn’t touch the ladies, gyrate in front of them, or offend them with any sexual maneuvers.  I talked it over with my son who agreed this could go either way, but if it went the way we wanted, it would be a big hit.  We decide to go with a Policeman uniform and I have to say, he could have won an Academy Award.  I recorded the entire show. 

Knock, knock:  Enter PJ the stripper, dressed as a Policeman looking for the head of the household.  Everyone is shocked with a Police officer at the door while we’re celebrating mom’s birthday.  He went on to say he was looking for my mother who fled the state at the beginning of the year.  Her birthday on file was Saturday, so they took a chance she’d be at my house, the last recorded address for her.  As soon as she heard her name, she perked up and started talking.  The officer explained there are several unpaid handicapped parking tickets.  She was furious and started raising her voice.  He asks her to calm down or he’s going to have to handcuff her, as he pulls out the cuffs.  Perfect!  She went wild and he asked to speak to her alone in the living room.  I kept thinking if he can live through the next 30 seconds without her killing him, we may have a chance of pulling this off.  Once in the living room, she saw all the chairs set up horse-shoe style with a single chair in the center for her.  I bought boa’s for everyone and made mom a crown and even went out and got her bling for the occasion.

PJ was respectful and delightful.  Everyone enjoyed, and participated in the show, including stuffing dollar bills in his briefs.  My uncle was a good sport, and the only man in the audience.  My son was taking pictures, giggling the whole time.  My mother had so much fun.  She couldn’t stop smiling and laughing the entire time, she didn’t want him to leave.  He actually stayed longer than an hour as hired.  He stayed an additional 20 and he looked like he was having a ball. WOW factor achieved!

Happy 85th Birthday Mom!

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